I told myself I would get better about blogging. Not just because I enjoy writing, and I always feel better if I take the time to pound some words onto my keyboard. But also because right now- in this season of my life- it's an essential lifeline to the outside world- to civilization- to adult conversation. Everyone told me how fantastic it was to be a mother (and they were SO right!), but no one told me how incredibly LONELY it can be at times! Solomon naps two times a day, so unless I schedule an activity or a play date for the 2.5 hours between nap #1, lunch, and nap #2, I'm essentially stranded here in Lonelyville. There are days when I really don't mind- when the weather is beautiful and we go for a walk or a bike ride around the neighborhood, or when I'm so busy with my stay at home job, housework, or crafts that the time just flies by. But then there are days when there are no tasks in my queue for work, the weather is horrible, the laundry is done, and the house is clean. Days like today, when I find myself secretly excited that my coffee got ruined because it gives me an excuse to run to Starbucks after Solomon wakes up.
The funny thing is- I wouldn't trade this season of life for anything in the entire world. Even when I look back on my busy, social, and spontaneous life before I became a Mom, I don't feel a twinge of desire or sadness for what I have "lost." I think it's because in return, I have gained so much, and I am daily aware of what a gift I have been given and how quickly this time will pass away. I knew it even in the hospital- 24 hours after Solomon was born. Judah had run out quickly to pick up some "non-hospital food" for dinner, and when he came back I was sitting in bed, Solomon in my arms, staring at his little face with tears in my eyes. Judah looked shocked, "What happened!? I was gone- like- ten minutes!" I looked at the clock- and in the moment, I swear I could hear each second tick by like it was a bomb about to explode, "This is it! He's 24 hours old, RIGHT NOW! He's only going to be one day old ONCE and it's happening right now! The moments are passing and I can't stop it!" In that moment I thought I would feel that way forever- upset about the minutes passing- about him getting old. There are days that it still brings tears to my eyes, but instead, I have learned that I can make each minute ticking by really count. I can make memories. I can CHOOSE to really LIVE each moment with my son.
Before you think I'm trying to act all "Supermom" let me just say- there are definitely times when I count the minutes until the next naptime or until I hear Judah's keys opening the front door- but I do my best to let those days be few and far between. One thing I am acutely aware of is human nature's ability to let time pass by without a thought- filled with "things," but empty of "moments."
So, I'm embracing this season. Lonely days and all. And someday, when my house is empty, and I am busy embracing a different kind of season, I'll have the memories from this one to keep me company.
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