Sleeping on a Rock Pillow - Part 1

It's amazing how easily we can cut ourselves off from possibility.  We do it for any number of reasons- ignorance, perceptions - our own or other people's about us (read my previous blog for more thoughts on this), insecurity, fear, laziness, comfort....  We can quickly close our minds off to new opportunities or ideas thinking that we are being reasonable, when really all we are doing is making excuses so we don't have to change.  This isn't always the case, but I'd venture to guess that the majority of the human race would rather stay within the confines of their "comfort zone" than venture out into "scary" new territory.

Jude and I are no exception to this.  Some might disagree, citing our year living in Africa, our many relocations, and our trips abroad, but if they knew me at the "beginning" of each change- they'd disagree. When I was 14 years old, missionaries from Ecuador came to our church.  I vividly remember that they brought a dead tarantula with them that was the size of my hand!  That night I told God that I would "be anything He wanted me to be, just as long as He didn't ask me to be a missionary."  I was Dead. Serious.  It took years of education, research and prayer for me to open my heart to living overseas, and even when we finally made the decision to move to Africa to work as missionaries, I still battled fear and insecurity about the process.  It was the same with us moving to Alabama.  Most people know that we moved primarily because of a job offer from Judah's father, but what most people DON'T know is that Jude's dad had made that same offer multiple times before.  I had just vetoed it every time without a thought.  I said, "why would God ever have us move when our family, friends, and church are here!?"  In a way, I had a point- we do have great family, friends, and church family in New England- but I was wrong to not even consider the fact that maybe God wanted us to move outside of our comfort zone again.  It took a tail-spinning economy to get me to even be willing to "pray about praying about" the option of moving to Alabama, but over time, God opened my eyes to new possibility once more.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is never easy, but I don't think that was ever the point?  Jesus's first words to His disciples were essentially, "Drop everything, give up your plans, say goodbye to your family, and let's go!"  I'm guessing there would have been a whole lot more than 12 disciples if this had been an easy decision- I doubt there were lines of people chomping at the bit to trade their pillow for a rock.  But they must have known somehow that stepping out of your comfort zone would never be easy.  In my experience- there are days when it just plain sucks.  I can tell you there have been countless days when I've cried about how much I missed my family and friends, and more than once Jude and I have looked at each other and said, "what the heck are we even doing here?"  But looking back, and now forward, I can see that God knew what He was doing when He moved us all around the globe, and He still knows what He's doing now.  I always knew that we were right where God wanted us, but I just wish I had learned to release control a little sooner.  That's the little secret about stepping out of your comfort zone that I have only recently learned- it gets a whole lot easier and much more fun if I let go of the reigns.  When I stop looking ahead- stop planning the next step- stop whining about having to sleep with my head on a rock...

And so here we are again- stepping out of our comfort zone- diving into something we would not have even considered just two years ago.  I don't expect it to be easy, but this time I've determined to release control, stop planing and let God do His thing.