Coastie Update #5 - Letters to Jude

 

**UPDATE! Got a post card from Jude today. It was very short but he made a point to stress "Please do not send me care packages" so again I just want to stress - letters only. :) And NOT the kind that plays music! Thanks guys! (ps. His note also said that things were going "as expected" ... I'm guessing that's code for "I'm fine but this sucks.")

Well, Jude has been gone for a week and a day but it feels like an eternity!! I haven't gotten any letters yet but I won't give up hope until I check my mailbox tomorrow. If there is still no letter then, than he probably didn't have time to write this past Sunday (they are only allowed to write letters on Sunday during diving hours), and I'll just have to wait until next week.  They say that week two is the worst part of boot camp because that's when the guys get yelled at the most and that's when the physical fitness and incentive training (extra physical exercise they have to do if they, or someone in their company, makes a mistake) is the worst. Jude worked really hard to be in great shape when he left, so I'm not as worried about the physical part as I am about the mental part.  I'm sure he can handle it, I just don't like the idea of him being yelled at for no reason.  

I did get to text him briefly when he as on the bus from the airport in Philly.  He was with the rest of his company at that point, and he told me that is indeed the oldest guy in his company.  The next youngest is 27, and then there was one guy who was 25, and then him. I'm not surprised- we all knew he'd be the old man.  Lol! But he seemed in good spirits when he was texting so I was happy to hear that.  I am sure he will make some lifelong friends out of this experience.  

I have been writing to him every day since the day he left Montgomery.  I also take a picture a day, mostly of Solomon, and I print it out at Walgreens and stick it in his letter.  They pretty much know me and Sol by now since we go in there every day and pick up one photo.  Lol! I just don't want Jude to feel like he is missing out on everything, so I write him about our day and any highlights.  It has actually been cathartic for me too, as writing to him gives me a way to connect with him every day.  

Some people were asking about if it was possible to write to Jude.  It definitely is! Actually, it's recommended, especially in the beginning of training when things are so difficult for the recruits.  If you would like to write, just keep in mind that it shouldn't be very long because he won't have a lot of time to read it.  You are allowed to send pictures, but keep them small or print them right on the paper that you are writing on.  Also do not send any packages- just letters.  And DO NOT put anything on the outside like stickers or put it in a girly envelope.   Only put the address on a plain envelope.  You can send cards, just not the ones that make music!! If you break any of these "rules" Jude will pay for it with teasing and possibly extra incentive training, which of course, no one wants.  

The address is:

SR Judah Clark 

Bravo 187 Healy Hall

USCG Tracen Cape May

One Munro Avenue

Cape May, NJ 08204-5083

If you are even considering writing, let me encourage you- please do!  It doesn't have to be anything fancy.  Just chit chat, update him on the Red Sox or the Olympics, or send an encouraging scripture or quote.  Really, whatever.  Also, for those of you who are computer savvy, go to Treat.com.  You can make a personalized card on there with wording or pictures and they will print it out and mail it for you!  It's genius!  And it costs about the same as buying a card at Walgreens and mailing it yourself.  Use the coupon code FREETREAT a check out and get your first card free.  No, I am not getting anything for this shameless plug- I just really thing that this company is pretty genius.  :)

Lastly, if you are curious as to what Jude is doing every day you can watch this video.  Also, thanks  to everyone who has shown such love and support to us during this challenging time.  It really has meant more than you know.  :)

Coastie Update #4 - Dates and Swearing In

Apparently, I'm not very good at keeping this updated.  *sigh.  I'll try harder... 

A lot has happened since I last wrote.  Judah was given an official ship date (July 24th, although he/we will be going to Montgomery, AL on the 22nd), AND he had his official "swearing in ceremony."  He was super blessed to have his friend Jonathan (who is an Officer with the CG) swear him in, and Jonathan's wife, Ashley, and I were both there to see it, too (with our little guys in tow. :)  )  I asked Jude after if he "felt" anything while he was saying the "oath of enlistment."  He said not at first, but then when he got to the part that talked about "obeying the orders of the President," it got really "real."  :)  If you have never read it before, here is the military oath of enlistment:

I, (NAME), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

Watching him swear in was a proud moment for me.  Being a military wife was not something that I ever thought I would do, but I have always had great respect for servicemen and their families.  They make huge sacrifices to serve our country, and I have always had great respect for that.  I know that the CG often gets some flack from the military community because many of the other branches feel that the CG isn't "real" military.  I think this idea is based on the unlikelihood that a Coastie would be deployed overseas in a combat situation (among other reasons, I'm sure). In a sense, I get that.  My sacrifice as a Coastie wife who is separating from her husband for a few months while he stays safe in the US for training can't be compared with a Army wife who has just said goodbye to her husband for his second tour in Afghanistan or Iraq.  That's a whole different level of sacrifice for sure.  But, I will still be a single mom for 5+ months, and our lives will still be at the whim of the military- moving wherever and whenever they want.  So, because of those sacrifices (and others as well), I'll feel an extra sense of pride now when I see our flag flying high.  

Judah leaves five weeks from Sunday, and it's just starting to set in.  Exciting and scary at the same time.  I know I'm going to miss him so much, but the thing I'm most freaked out about is caring for Solomon alone for so long.  In the end, I know it'll be okay, but it's a bit daunting to think about.  He is at such a busy age, and chasing him around is EXHAUSTING.  Every day I look forward to Jude's arrival home from work, not just for the help, but also for the adult conversation!  It's going to be very difficult to not have this.  However, I'm so thankful that I have my in-laws to help with Solly and to be there for me.  It was a good decision for us to move to Fairhope.  I love it here, and being so close to them has also been a major bonus.  I don't know how people do this when they are placed completely away from family and friends.  I really, REALLY pray that we don't ever have to find out.  There is always a possibility we will, but we have so many friends/family located around the US coast, we're really praying God will place us near someone we know.

So, that's the update!  Here are the important dates:  

July 22nd- Judah goes to Montgomery

July 24th- Ships to boot camp in Cape May, NJ 

Sept. 14th -  Boot camp graduation (assuming Jude doesn't get reverted!- lol!)

*Jude will have around 5-8 days of leave in between NJ and CA, but he has to get to CA right away, even if it's before his school technically starts.  BOO!!

October 8th- Judah's A-school starts.

December 31st- A-school graduation???  We aren't sure if this is the exact date yet.  Right now it's our best guess... 

Feels good to at least have these dates on "paper."  This whole thing has been such a roller coaster, but at least we have a bit of a timeline for how the rest of the year should play out.  I just keep saying that this whole experience is "stretching my trust muscles," and reminding me to let go of control, and let God do His thing.  Sometimes easier said than done, but I'm learning.  :)

Here is the video of Jude swearing in:

Coastie Update #3

I realize it's been a while since I've posted a Coast Guard update, and people are starting to ask, so here's the skinny.

About a month ago Jude finished all of the testing and paperwork required to join the CG.  The security clearance forms he had to fill out were particularly time consuming, mostly because of our previous time spent abroad.  It took him weeks to get everything filled out and for his recruiter to give him the thumbs up, but eventually, he got the "go ahead" to choose a boot camp date.  We choose July 24th.  Because Jude will be going straight from boot came to his A-school (essentially cooking school for Coasties), he had to be cleared for A-school before he could get a reservation for boot.  That went through smoothly, but just before his recruiter sent in his paperwork for his reservation, we hit a snag.  We were told that the Coast Guard has filled up all of the slots for new enlistees for this fiscal year (which runs October to September), so they aren't taking anymore reservations until the new FY begins.  Essentially, this means that Jude will have to wait until Oct. or Nov. before he can ship out.  This is a big bummer for us.


Jude's recruiter did some digging, and managed to talk to a director in the main recruiting office.  He told her to go ahead and submit Jude's reservation anyway, and if they had any extra spots after they tallied everything up, then they would push him through.  So, she submitted his paperwork just over a week ago.  We should know by Thursday if he will get a spot for this FY or if he needs to wait a few more months for a spot in the beginning of the next FY.  


Now, even if everything goes through, and Jude gets approved for his spot in July, we have another little problem to consider.  Apparently, right around the time when the CG put a stop on all new reservations for this FY, they also put a hold on the enlistment bonus for all enlistees going into the FS (food service) rate (job).  This bonus was a BIG incentive for Jude when he decided to join, as it was going to help us eliminate some remaining debt, and balance out the small pay cut Jude will have to take until he advances to the next rank (E-5).  They suspended the bonus because essentially- the CG ran out of incentive funds, so nothing can happen until they meet and push the incentive program through again.  It's unlikely they will cancel the bonus altogether since FS is still a critical rate (meaning they are desperate for people who will work in this job area), but it is possible they will wait until the next FY to reinstate the bonus.  So, even if Jude is approved for July 24th, we will need to decide if we want to push out his date to ensure he will get the bonus or if we want to wait, and take the chance that it will be approved at some point before he goes.


Either way, he can always cancel his boot date up until the day before, and just keep pushing it out until the bonus is approved.... but that just leaves so much in the air.  Personally, I'd rather he just go in July if he is approved to go, because all this back and forth is messing with my head.  Also, it's impossible to plan ANYTHING when we don't know if he is going to be here or not in two months from now.  I feel like our life is kind of on hold, and I'd rather have a date when I know things are going to move forward.  But, Jude is thinking about what is the most financially responsible decision for our family, so it sounds like he isn't planning to go unless the bonus is approved.  I completely understand his point, and when we discussed it, both sides made sense to me, so I told him that I would be okay with whatever he decides.


So, you can see why I haven't posted an update.  Things have been very up and down.  This experience has been a total roller coaster, and I am really having to stretch my "trust muscles" big time.  I just keep reminding myself that God is in control, and at the end of the day, He is the one who will establish our timeline.


I'll try to remember to post once we find out if Jude's date in July was approved or not.  If it is, he will be sworn in to the Coast Guard the following week, on May 29th.  A good friend of ours is an officer in the CG, and he is planning to be the one to swear Jude in.  I'll make sure to take pics.  In the mean time, we wait... and wait... and wait...... and wait...................

For my Auntie Who Taught Me to be Brave

       My Auntie Cheryl passed away a couple days ago.  Although she had been ill for many years, her death still came suddenly and unexpectedly.  She lived in Baltimore and had been too sick to travel, so unfortunately, the last time I saw her was at my wedding, almost 8.5 years ago.  It's funny though, how clearly you can remember someone even after the passing of so many weeks, months, years... I have some memories of her that are so clear it is as if they happened yesterday.
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       Auntie had a gorgeous, warm and inviting smile.  If you've ever met my mother, then you know the smile I'm talking about - the sisters were two of a kind in this regard.  I remember watching moments between my Auntie and Uncle, where the smile on her lips juxtaposed the mischievous glint in her eyes.  My Uncle Butch has a black belt in (Judo?  Karate? I can't remember....) and would sometimes play fight with her in the living room.  She would stand there in his grip with her arm bent backward (but not to hard), her head in an arm lock (as gentle as could be), and scold my Uncle "Stop it, Butch!"  We all knew she loved it because her eyes told us a different story.  Then she'd give him a playful pinch or twist of the ear and my Uncle would be putty in her hands.  She always won their play fights, and I think that underneath his strong, muscular exterior, there weren't many occasions in life where he wasn't putty in her hands.
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       My mother told me that even as a child my Auntie was full of compassion.  She recounted "One day, on a trip to the city, Cheryl disappeared, just for a moment.  When my parents turned around, they found her curled up in the lap of a homeless man, patting his face."  This is how Cheryl was - she saw the world with her heart.  Most people aren't willing to love the unlovely, but my Aunt was.  In fact, I don't think she ever saw them as unlovely in the first place.
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       I keep a box of special things in our attic.  Mementos from important days, love notes from Judah, and unexpected cards spill over the top. Littered between these memories are handmade birthday cards from my Auntie.  As a child I thought it was genius how she would cut apart old cards, and glue them back together to make a new card.  They are so beautiful that the common eye wouldn't have been able to tell they weren't "store bought," minus the handwritten stamp on the back: This Card was Made with Love for You by Auntie Cheryl.  Now, I am the one making the cards, and I appreciate even more the time and effort it took her to make my birthday cards by hand.  A couple of weeks ago, when the doctors discovered that my Auntie didn't have much time left, we were directed to say our goodbyes.  Once I realized I wouldn't be able to travel there to see her one more time, I made her a card.  It took me a long time because I wanted it to be perfect.  I don't know if she ever got to see it, but it's okay if she didn't.  It was my way of saying goodbye.  My way of saying thank you for taking the extra time to make people feel special.  
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       My Aunt and Uncle spent years working as missionaries in Australia, and while I loved listening to both of them tell stories about their time in the bush, my Aunt's stories always got the best of my attention.  She talked about finding snakes underneath their home, and how they had spiders that were as big as her hand that would stand up on their "hind legs" and hiss when they saw you!  (It still gives me shivers to think about it.)  I'm sure she also gave testimonies of the goodness of God, of souls saved, and of acts of compassion that, today, would blow my socks off.  But as a child, all I heard was "spiders as big as my hand."  It probably should have deterred my resolve to ever journey into the mission field, but for me, it did the opposite.  I thought "Surely my Auntie is the bravest woman in the world to live with those spiders!"  I wanted to be brave like that, too.  I have since spent significant time working on the mission field, and have been blessed with opportunities to inspire others to do the same.  In this way, Aunties gift to me is a gift that will keep on giving, long after she is gone.  She helped inspire generations to be brave, and that is no small thing.
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       The day she died I thought a lot about death - the finality of our existence on earth, and the vapor thin quality of our lives.  But I mostly thought about what it was like for her to pass from this life into the next.  Because of the hope we have in Jesus Christ, I can be certain that she is in heaven, but I still wonder about the transition.  Maybe in our last moments on earth we go back to the childlike innocence we had as babies - pure, peaceful, trusting.  Maybe we see angels or perhaps loved ones who have gone before come to us, and whisper a gentle reminder that everything is going to be okay.  Maybe dying is a lot like coming up for a fantastic breath of fresh air - air that cleans us and heals us head to toe with one glorious gulp.  Maybe our soul leaves our body and travels over the earth before it soars heavenward, giving us one last chance to take in all the pieces of God's beautiful creation that we didn't have time to see  - the vastness of the desert, the glory of the mountain peaks, the pulse of the rain-forest, the solitude of the icy poles...  Or maybe Jesus Himself comes to our bedside, takes our hand, and sits with us until it's time to go.  Then we travel in His arms from here to a place where the sky is always a multicolored sunset, the leaves are always in full autumn display, and the beaches are always see-through aqua blue.  

       I'm sure my imagination isn't doing the journey justice, but one thing I know for sure - heaven is better than earth.  So my Auntie is happy, and at peace.  Maybe she is running into a flower scented wind, that gorgeous smile on her face, that glint of mischief in her eye.  Maybe, maybe, maybe...

     

Leaving the Love Notes - Taking the Love

So, it looks like we have a renter for our house.  It's an adorable young family with two preschool aged girls who are currently living in an apartment complex about a mile from our home.  Last Thursday the wife came with our property manager to "prescreen" the house, and she immediately loved it and handed in her check to hold their "spot."  The only catch is that they want to move in at the end of May, and we were hoping to move at the beginning of April.  But we thought a lot about it, and decided that it would be a whole lot less stressful for all three of us if we just took the next two months to slowly pack and adjust to the upcoming changes.  Right now we are just waiting for their application to go through (credit/referral/
background checks), and if it does, we should have a signed lease in the next couple of days.  Having a signed lease is a huge weight off of my shoulders even though I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of leaving our house.  


In the eight years that we have been married Jude and I have lived in six different houses/cottages/apartments, two different countries, and three different states, and I have never had as hard of a time leaving a home as I am having leaving this one.  It's hard to put my finger on any one reason why, and that's probably because it boils down to a million little reasons, and not just one reason in particular.  We built this house from the ground up.  We watched from the moment they cleared the first trees, to the installation of the very last doorknob.  Together we picked out our flooring, cabinets, counters, light fixtures, and we labored for days over paint swatches.  We wrote blessings and love notes to each other on the wooden frame holding the house together.  It was here was had our moments of deepest sorrow and greatest joy with the death of the vision for our family, and the rebirth of that vision with my pregnancy.   I spent hours planning Solomon's nursery, and Judah spent hours with a paintbrush- bringing my vision to life.  Just last week we saw Solomon take his first steps in that nursery, and I promise that when I sit in that room (in the rocking chair that Judah reupholstered for my birthday), I can just feel love oozing out of every corner.  We became a family in this home.


Our house is more than just a building - it's a container of memories.  I could write a book about all the memories I have from the short 2.5 years we have lived here, and it is difficult for me to leave that season behind.  When I look at the kitchen I see Judah, standing in the middle, pots simmering, towel over shoulder.  Judah's love for cooking began a long time ago, but his career as a chef began here.  The smudges on back door window remind me of a peek-a-boo game between Jude and Sol, complete with silly faces and sticky fingers pressed up against the glass.  Every time I shower I remember the hours I spent in the bathtub breathing through early labor, dreaming about my baby between contractions, and trying to wait until the last second before going to the hospital.  Each room holds a dozen memories.  Memories with too many details to remember, but that are much too precious to forget.


So, when I look around, and I start to feel sad about leaving the only house I have ever really felt connected to, I tell myself that it's just a building. It's just a building.  And I remember those love notes, written on the beams inside our walls, and I laugh at the irony.  The beams may be holding this building together, but in the end, it was our love that made the memories that made it feel like a home.  Lucky for us, that part will come with us wherever we go.

Coastie Update #2- The Mountain

Last week Judah went to MEPS and took the physical tests required to join the military.  He passed without any problem, so we officially put or house up for lease.  Now it's just a waiting game to find a good tenant, but once we get a signed lease, Judah's papers can officially be sent in to get a boot camp ship date.  Yesterday his recruiter "unofficially" told him that it was looking like they would be able to get a spot opened up for him this fiscal year (horray!), and he is probably looking at a early July ship date.  We're pretty excited about this because it means we should be moved and settled into our new location before Christmas!

While Jude was at MEPS, he met with a recruiter who tried to convince him not to go into Food Service.  He asked him why he would want to pursue that job when he could qualify for any job he wanted.  He followed that up with a thorough breakdown of the job, and explained why enlistees who work in FS often work more hours than anyone else.  He told him about the responsibility involved and about how it is often a thankless job.  As I listened to Judah tell me about their conversation I found myself thinking, "Wow- I wonder if this guy made Judah change his mind working in FS or about joining the CG altogether?"  I was very wrong.  Judah thanked the recruiter for explaining the "not so glorious" aspects of working in Food Service, and for telling him the truth about what he could expect working in this rate (job).  He told him that although he realized that he was qualified for any job, his reasons for choosing to work in Food Service were solid.  He said that he wasn't joining because it was an easy and quick way to advance, or because there was a guaranteed A-school, or because there was an enlistment bonus for recruits willing to work in Food Service.  Jude just gave it to him straight, "Right now, I don't want to do anything else.  I want to cook- it's what I love to do.  It's what I'm passionate about."  As Jude finished recounting their dialogue to me, I finally knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were doing the right thing.  Whatever apprehension Judah felt when he left for MEPS was erased by this man's challenge - which should have done the opposite to Judah's resolve.  When you face a mountain, and you know it's going to be hard, but you still want to climb just for the joy of climbing, that's when you know that you are headed in the right direction.

I'm so proud of Judah.  Watching him work in the kitchen I know for a fact that he was born to do this.  Jude is the kind of guy who is good at everything.   He can build a house, fix a car, write, sing and play a song, sell a ten thousand dollar door, draw a picture, scale the side of a mountain, give a speech about political issues and do mathematical equations in his head all at the same time (figuratively speaking anyway.)  He's good at a lot- and because he's such a laid back guy, he could easily be content and successful working in any number of jobs.  But when I see him standing in the kitchen, towel over his shoulder, knife in hand, I just see something different.  He doesn't just enjoy it- it makes him come alive.  It brings out the best in him.  It's the thing that he doesn't mind climbing the mountain for.

Sometimes people live their entire lives without finding their "one thing," or without pushing themselves to pursue that "thing" that they would joyfully tackle a mountain for.  I am aware what a gift it is to know that my spouse has found his "one thing," and to be able to watch him pursue his passion.  I'm proud of my husband for not being afraid to chase after the thing that makes him feel most alive.  I'm proud that he doesn't care about what other people will think, or about the fact that he'll have to start at the bottom and work his way up.  I'm proud to have a husband who is confident enough in himself and in his dreams to find the beauty in a job that no one else wants. I'm proud that he doesn't look at the mountain and say it will be too hard.

Jude didn't need to earn my support, but all of the above are reasons why it is so easy for me to give it away.  Watching him come alive, makes me come alive, too.  I know that wherever we go, wherever we end up, be it close to family or far away- it will be okay, because we'll be climbing that mountain together.  Steadfast.  Happy.  Alive.

Coastie Update #1 - Testing and Apprehension

Tuesdays are supposed to be my day to work.  My mother in law comes over to watch Solomon so that I can (ideally) go to her (adorable) cottage in Fairhope, sit on the porch, and get in a few hours of uninterrupted work done.  That's what I'm supposed to do.  But here I am, three hours after I left my house, and I still haven't tackled any of the tasks in my queue.  I can't help myself!  The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and this inviting outdoor lounger is WAY too comfortable to be used as a work chair.

In my defense, I did spend and hour and a half looking at some rental options down the street.  Like I mentioned in my last post, Jude and I are in the process of renting out our house so that we can move closer to his parents in Fairhope and I can have more hands on help with Solomon when Jude is away at boot camp and A-school.  We have a contract with the property management company sitting on our kitchen table waiting to be signed, and yesterday someone from the company came by to take photos of our home.  The only thing we are waiting for is for Judah to pass his medical tests at MEPS in Montgomery on Thursday.  He passed the ASVAB test (military entrance exam) with flying colors- a 92 to be exact- and I wasn't surprised one bit.    Technically this score qualifies him to work any job he wants in the CG, although when his best friend Aaron asked what job he will do "now that he's qualified for whatever job he wants," Judah replied, "Real men cook, Aaron.  Real men cook."  So Jude's scores didn't really change anything other than help to confirm our suspicions that there truly is "nothing that he can't do," and consequently, further solidify his "golden boy" image.  :)

On Thursday Judah will call me on his way home from Montgomery and let me know what happened at MEPS.  If he passes, then essentially he is "in" with the CG and the rest is just a matter of paperwork submissions and security clearances, so I will call the property manager and tell him that we are officially "on" for putting our house up for lease.  With a click of a button we'll be up on the Realtor MLS listings.  If for some reason Judah doesn't pass then we just know that God has closed this door, we regroup, and make a plan B.  :)  Either way, I feel like I'll be okay, and I think Jude feels the same way, too.  There are positives and negatives with every option here, and ultimately- it's in God's hands anyway.  

As is expected with any big change, I will say that we are both feeling a little bit of apprehension.  When Judah told me today that his recruiter called and confirmed his appointment with MEPS for Thursday I asked him how he was doing about it.  He told me that he's doing okay, but he has had a couple of moments of, "Wait- what am I doing?  Do I really want to do this?"  We talked, and it seems like this little bit of apprehension boils down to two things: his age and the fact that he'll be gone for five months from me and Solomon.  His age is a factor because, statistically speaking, he is old to be enlisting in the Coast Guard.  He's 29 (30 in November), and the average age of newly enlisted recruits is 23 years old.  Not only that, but the Coast Guards cut off age is technically 27.  The only reason Judah is getting in at his age is because he fits a very specific set of requirements and has a very specific skill set.  It's almost a given that he will be the oldest (by at LEAST 2-3 years) at boot camp and most of the guys will be 6-10 years his junior.  He'll have to keep up with the same physical stamina and energy level of guys still roaring on the adrenalin and testosterone of their young twenties.  We all, of course, have no doubt that he can succeed (with flying colors) at boot camp, but his unique situation is something to be considered.

I don't know what to tell him about his apprehension of leaving Solomon and I for such a long time. Right now Judah is working and in school full time, so his schedule leaves him very little time off.  It is very difficult for us to schedule family time or a night for us to go out on a date, however, he still comes home every night.  Even if he is gone all day and evening, I still know that I will see him at night, and Solomon will see him in the morning.  I don't like the idea of him leaving for five months either (especially at Solomon's age now where doing something new every day!), but I just keep telling myself that it's temporary.  Also, it won't be five months straight, as we can see him for a few days after his boot camp graduation, and then come visit again in the middle of his A-school training in California.  Unfortunately, we can't communicate when he is in boot camp (the first phone call home is a whole five weeks in- YIKES!), but we can talk on the phone when he is in A-school, and schedule daily Skype sessions.   I'm sure there will be hard days, but if we keep busy, it will fly by and before you know it we will all be together again.  

I'm glad that we are both thinking through this decision thoroughly, and it is a blessing  that Jude and I have learned to communicate well enough to comfortably dialogue about our concerns and fears.  I told Jude that if he decided today that he didn't want to do this, I would completely support him and I really mean that.  I just cautioned him that we shouldn't back out because of fear.  Fear is never a good reason to turn from change.  He agreed.  Right now we are still "fully in" our decision despite our apprehension, but I encouraged Jude to spend a lot of time in prayer- especially in the next few days of important decision making.  It goes the same for me because Jude and I are a team - either both in or both out.  If we don't both have complete peace about it, there is no point to keep moving forward.

So, today, we wait and just keep trusting that God is in control.  Tomorrow will bring whatever tomorrow will bring.  In the mean time, I will keep dwelling on the verse which says:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."

-Proverbs 3:5-6

Sleeping on a Rock Pillow - Part 2

So, now that I've given you some insight into our internal thought process, I'll just give you the basic lowdown on what's new with the Clark clan.  Jude is in the process of enlisting with the Coast Guard.  :)  For most of you, this will come as a shock- it definitely shocked us!  Becoming a military family was never something we ever considered.  In fact, if you had told me two years ago that this is where life would take us I would have laughed- or cried- or screamed- or all of the above, but now that we're here, we are excited about the possibility ahead of us!

We anticipate a lot of questions, so we've assembled the most popular together here in our:

 Clark Coastie Q&A

1.  Why?  -  The most basic answer is, "why not!?"  However, the more complex answer has to do with Judah wanting to move into a career as a chef. Over time it has become evident to us that this is what Judah loves and is the most passionate about- not to mention he is insanely talented!  So, for the past couple of years Judah has been taking culinary classes and is hoping to transition to a career in the culinary arts.  The problem we are facing is that in order to start out a new career as a chef, Judah would need to start at the bottom, and essentially take a severe pay cut.  Considering our current situation, this would not be a possibility for us, so we started looking into other options.  Here in Alabama we have many friends who are Coastie families, and we have learned a LOT about the military life from them.  I don't remember who initially mentioned the idea of Judah joining the Coast Guard as a chef, but I do remember that he immediately shut out the idea.  He said that he wanted to be working as a real chef, not just "scooping slop on to people's plates."  Well, I was intrigued, so I started doing some research anyway.  

I found out that the military is actually desperate for individuals who are willing to cook, and they are even giving bonus's out to enlistees who will agree to work in the kitchen.  Not only that, but I learned that the whole idea of the military just "scooping out slop" is an antiquated one, and in fact, the chefs have a lot of leeway and culinary freedom to prepare whatever dishes they choose.  Over the years there has been an increase in nutritional awareness throughout the military, and they have even developed a "top chef" type of competition where the best chefs from each of the four military branches come together to compete once a year.  Additionally, the Coast Guard would pay for Judah to take as many cooking classes as he wanted, and he could finish his BA in Hospitality management for free.  Essentially, I realized that it is quite likely that Judah could not only get the experience he wanted to further his career, but he could also continue his education for free.  There is also the major bonus of Judah being able to serve his country (which he had mentioned to me in the past that he had always wanted to do), and all the practical bonus's such as free awesome healthcare, the GI Bill which can pay for 4 years of college for one of our children, veteran's benefits, possibility of full pension at retirement... etc.   I thought my findings definitely deserved a second conversation.  Now Judah was intrigued, and our second conversation turned to a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, and so on...

We considered all of our options, we laid out the pros and cons, and talked to everyone we could think of who might be able to give us some solid- and unbiased- information.  We prayed a LOT about this, and I can definitely say it was not a decision we made easily.  We wanted to be sure that if Judah decided to pursue this that we were both on the same page, that we were going into it as a team, and that whether it worked out or it didn't- we would be united, and openhanded about everything.  Up to this point, we are still on the same page, and we feel really confident that pursuing this is not just the best decision for Judah, but for our family, too.

2- When?- This is the impossible question because there is no way for us to answer it.  We have been told that there are no guarantees with the military until you get official orders, so we know that there is no way to even speculate a timeline.  The biggest hurdle right now is for Judah to get through the rest of the enlistment process without any problems.  Essentially he has two tests to go, and although we don't anticipate there being any issues, like I said before- there are no guarantees with the military.  People get disqualified every day because of things like an injury they had when they were 12, or a mistake they made when they were 16.  Lucky for us, Judah is healthy as an ox, but still- you never know.  

All this said- barring any unforeseen problem- Judah will go to boot camp at some point this year.  We are really hoping for an earlier ship date- something before September- but worst case scenario he'll leave Nov./Dec.  He'll be at boot camp for seven weeks in Cape May, NJ, and directly following graduation from boot he'll fly to San Francisco, CA for his A-school (this is where he gets his job training.)  This school is another 12 weeks.  I can see him briefly between boot and A-school, and I can visit him while he is in CA, but other than those brief visits we will be apart for almost 5 months.  We are renting our home because I would like to move closer to my in-laws so they can help me when I'm alone with Solomon.   They are the only family we have in the area, and currently they live about a half and hour away.  We'd also like to save some money if possible since Judah will take a temporary pay-cut until he's done with his A-school, so we are looking at rentals in Fairhope, AL- right near my in-laws.  It's actually an ADORABLE town- definitely my favorite place in the area down here- and we're actually really excited about the potential of living down there for a season.  We realize we might be renting earlier than needed, but because we don't have any way of knowing Judah's ship date, we figure that too early is better than too late.

3-  Where?  Again- it's impossible to answer this.  The best answer is that, we'll be wherever Judah gets placed!  If he ends up on a large boat (called a cutter), which is the most likely scenario because that is where most food service workers are currently needed, he will most likely have a two year tour at our first destination.  Land assignments - where he would work at a base- are usually 3 years, and cutter tours are usually 2 years.  Of course, Solomon and I will move with Judah, and we will live in the area where his boat is stationed.  The biggest drawback to the possibility of Judah getting placed on a cutter is that he would probably be gone from anywhere between 2 weeks and 4 months at a time (ie. out for three months, home for three months- etc.)  This is probably the factor in our decision that Jude and I labored over the most.  We talked it through and decided that even if he doesn't choose the CG, the restaurant business would most likely be just as demanding on his time and we feel confident that with the right support system in place, we could handle this schedule for a season.  

After Judah's A-school we do have the opportunity to make a list of our top choices for a location where we would like to be stationed.  There are a lot of cutter stations that are near our friends and family like Boston, Portsmouth, NH, Los-Angeles, Mobile, Baltimore, Washington, DC, so we will just put those places as our top choices, and pray we get one of our top pics.  This is an area where I really struggled with.  I HATED the idea of the possibility- albeit rare- of us ending up stationed somewhere like Alaska with Judah gone four months at a time.  But one day when I was thinking about it, and having so much turmoil I just felt God tell me, "let it go- relinquish control."  And since I've started doing that, this process has become a lot easier and more enjoyable.  

Basically, Solomon and I will be here until Judah is done his boot camp and A-school.  Could be 8 months, could be over a year- there is no way to know!  Then we will all move wherever he gets orders for!  It'll most likely be somewhere on the coast, although there are a few cutters stationed inland on rivers and lakes.  We'll stay there for 2-3 years, and then move on to another place for another 2-3 years.  Judah will most likely enlist for about 4 years.  After that point, if he loves it, he can re-enlist, or if he feels like his season in the CG has ended, he can leave and get a civilian job as a chef with his new great experience and education.

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Ok- I know I haven't answered everything here, but I am realizing this is pretty long, and it's very late, so I think I'm going to have to add a part three tomorrow.  If you have any questions, feel free to leave them in a comment and I'll answer them in my next post!  

Sleeping on a Rock Pillow - Part 1

It's amazing how easily we can cut ourselves off from possibility.  We do it for any number of reasons- ignorance, perceptions - our own or other people's about us (read my previous blog for more thoughts on this), insecurity, fear, laziness, comfort....  We can quickly close our minds off to new opportunities or ideas thinking that we are being reasonable, when really all we are doing is making excuses so we don't have to change.  This isn't always the case, but I'd venture to guess that the majority of the human race would rather stay within the confines of their "comfort zone" than venture out into "scary" new territory.

Jude and I are no exception to this.  Some might disagree, citing our year living in Africa, our many relocations, and our trips abroad, but if they knew me at the "beginning" of each change- they'd disagree. When I was 14 years old, missionaries from Ecuador came to our church.  I vividly remember that they brought a dead tarantula with them that was the size of my hand!  That night I told God that I would "be anything He wanted me to be, just as long as He didn't ask me to be a missionary."  I was Dead. Serious.  It took years of education, research and prayer for me to open my heart to living overseas, and even when we finally made the decision to move to Africa to work as missionaries, I still battled fear and insecurity about the process.  It was the same with us moving to Alabama.  Most people know that we moved primarily because of a job offer from Judah's father, but what most people DON'T know is that Jude's dad had made that same offer multiple times before.  I had just vetoed it every time without a thought.  I said, "why would God ever have us move when our family, friends, and church are here!?"  In a way, I had a point- we do have great family, friends, and church family in New England- but I was wrong to not even consider the fact that maybe God wanted us to move outside of our comfort zone again.  It took a tail-spinning economy to get me to even be willing to "pray about praying about" the option of moving to Alabama, but over time, God opened my eyes to new possibility once more.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is never easy, but I don't think that was ever the point?  Jesus's first words to His disciples were essentially, "Drop everything, give up your plans, say goodbye to your family, and let's go!"  I'm guessing there would have been a whole lot more than 12 disciples if this had been an easy decision- I doubt there were lines of people chomping at the bit to trade their pillow for a rock.  But they must have known somehow that stepping out of your comfort zone would never be easy.  In my experience- there are days when it just plain sucks.  I can tell you there have been countless days when I've cried about how much I missed my family and friends, and more than once Jude and I have looked at each other and said, "what the heck are we even doing here?"  But looking back, and now forward, I can see that God knew what He was doing when He moved us all around the globe, and He still knows what He's doing now.  I always knew that we were right where God wanted us, but I just wish I had learned to release control a little sooner.  That's the little secret about stepping out of your comfort zone that I have only recently learned- it gets a whole lot easier and much more fun if I let go of the reigns.  When I stop looking ahead- stop planning the next step- stop whining about having to sleep with my head on a rock...

And so here we are again- stepping out of our comfort zone- diving into something we would not have even considered just two years ago.  I don't expect it to be easy, but this time I've determined to release control, stop planing and let God do His thing.

The Perception Box

A lot of people have perceptions about me.  Just like I'm sure I have perceptions about them.  For years I had it in my head that everyone- for the most part- saw you the same way.  Your most prominent characteristics are the loudest, and the more you get to know people, the more they see and appreciate (or don't appreciate!) the subtle nuances of your personality as well.  I'm learning lately that perception is in fact, infinitely more complicated than this.  

Here's an example.  I took my first trip home to Boston with Solomon a few months after he was born.  I was really excited to introduce him to my close friends and family- people who have known and loved me and Judah for so long.  I loved seeing my friends take pictures with Solly, and coo over how "adorable he was," and it made me so happy to see my family embracing a new little one into our "clan."  But one thing surprised me.  Everyone kept saying about "how weird it was to see me as a mom."  About how it was just so "strange" to see me with a baby because they "never really pictured me as a mom before."  I didn't take this to heart- I knew what they meant.  I've always been adventurous and free-spirited, so I assumed they were just reacting to how strange it was to see me reacting so maturely to such responsibility.  

Flash forward a few months and I'm back in Mobile taking a drive with a close friend.  Solomon was in the backseat napping, and for some reason we got talking about motherhood (my friend was pregnant at the time) and I told her about the interesting reactions I got from friends and family that firs time I took Solomon home.  My friend was shocked, "Really?  Oh my gosh, that is so strange because I can't picture you as anything BUT a Mom!  I mean honestly- you're such a... MOM!"  I was surprised by what she said, and I was even more surprised about how good it made me feel.  Not just because she was positively affirming this HUGE new season of my life, but because I felt like she was right, and it was so nice to hear that she noticed this part of my character, too. 

I started thinking about perception and how it effects the choices in our lives.  In Boston, my friends and family have a perception of me that I am adventurous, flighty, passionate, intense - and my friends here in Alabama perceive me as responsible, nurturing, creative, informed.  Is one more true than the other?  Is one more REAL than the other?  Not at all!  But I do believe that as you grow and change the characteristics about yourself that are not the most "in demand" for the season you are in take a back seat.  Am I still adventurous?  You bet ya, but it's more important for me to be responsible right now so my adventurous nature has to find more "responsible" ways to come out.  Unfortunately, people's perceptions are hard to change, and they don't often grow as you grow.  (especially if you move to a different state!)  Occasionally you'll find that one friend or family member (other than your spouse) who really "gets" you and ALL the aspects of your character, but most of the time, it's pretty difficult to change people's ideas about "who you are."

Here's my point of saying all of this.  Don't let other people's perceptions of you hijack your life.  Don't make decisions based on what other people think you should or will do, and don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that you are ONLY (fill in the blank) because that's how others perceive you.  Doing this is a dangerous road because once your life season changes- and it WILL change- and it's time for that talent or characteristic to take a back seat, you will be left completely clueless of who you really are.

This happened to me with music.  Other's perceptions of me and my own ideas of identity were so wrapped up in my music that when the season came for music to take a backseat- I didn't know who I was anymore.  It took me a long time to break free from that perception, not just that others had of me, but that I had of myself.  I had to release this "idea" I had of myself, and let God show me that even if I never sang another note- I was valuable.  I have learned- and I am continuing to learn- that there is so much more beauty inside of me than just music.  I have talents that I haven't even developed yet because I have been so busy fixating only on one thing.  I didn't even realize that I was limiting myself and ignoring other areas where I could really find success.

I never thought that I was book smart.  It wasn't that anyone TOLD me that I wasn't- it was just that somewhere along the line, I got in my head that I wasn't really the "education" type and I probably wouldn't do well in an intellectual setting.  Well, maybe it was God pushing me forward, maybe it was an inner drive to prove myself wrong, or maybe it was just that I didn't want to be the only one in my family without a college degree, but I went to college.  I somehow managed to squish four years of school in two years, and I graduated with departmental honors, and a 4.0.  It is one of my proudest accomplishments, and I NEVER would have even ATTEMPTED it if I hadn't first let go of the "perceptions" I had about myself.  I wasn't allowing God to open the door to something new.

If you know me, you know that my point is not to "pat myself on the back" here.  It really is just to share some encouragement, and drive this point home- Don't let other people's perceptions of you- or your own perceptions of yourself- hijack your life!  You are probably stronger than you think you are, and you can accomplished more than you think you can.  Let yourself out of the box- release control- and say, "Ok God- now what?"

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." - Isaiah 55:8

Lonely Days and Seizing the Season

I told myself I would get better about blogging.  Not just because I enjoy writing, and I always feel better if I take the time to pound some words onto my keyboard.  But also because right now- in this season of my life- it's an essential lifeline to the outside world- to civilization- to adult conversation.  Everyone told me how fantastic it was to be a mother (and they were SO right!), but no one told me how incredibly LONELY it can be at times!  Solomon naps two times a day, so unless I schedule an activity or a play date for the 2.5 hours between nap #1, lunch, and nap #2, I'm essentially stranded here in Lonelyville.  There are days when I really don't mind- when the weather is beautiful and we go for a walk or a bike ride around the neighborhood, or when I'm so busy with my stay at home job, housework, or crafts that the time just flies by.  But then there are days when there are no tasks in my queue for work, the weather is horrible, the laundry is done, and the house is clean.  Days like today, when I find myself secretly excited that my coffee got ruined because it gives me an excuse to run to Starbucks after Solomon wakes up.  

The funny thing is- I wouldn't trade this season of life for anything in the entire world.  Even when I look back on my busy, social, and spontaneous life before I became a Mom, I don't feel a twinge of desire or sadness for what I have "lost."  I think it's because in return, I have gained so much, and I am daily aware of what a gift I have been given and how quickly this time will pass away.  I knew it even in the hospital- 24 hours after Solomon was born.  Judah had run out quickly to pick up some "non-hospital food" for dinner, and when he came back I was sitting in bed, Solomon in my arms, staring at his little face with tears in my eyes.  Judah looked shocked, "What happened!?  I was gone- like- ten minutes!"  I looked at the clock- and in the moment, I swear I could hear each second tick by like it was a bomb about to explode, "This is it!  He's 24 hours old, RIGHT NOW!  He's only going to be one day old ONCE and it's happening right now!  The moments are passing and I can't stop it!"  In that moment I thought I would feel that way forever- upset about the minutes passing- about him getting old.  There are days that it still brings tears to my eyes, but instead, I have learned that I can make each minute ticking by really count.  I can make memories. I can CHOOSE to really LIVE each moment with my son.  

Before you think I'm trying to act all "Supermom" let me just say- there are definitely times when I count the minutes until the next naptime or until I hear Judah's keys opening the front door- but I do my best to let those days be few and far between.  One thing I am acutely aware of is human nature's ability to let time pass by without a thought- filled with "things," but empty of "moments."

So, I'm embracing this season.  Lonely days and all.  And someday, when my house is empty, and I am busy embracing a different kind of season, I'll have the memories from this one to keep me company.