Two Week Wait Begins

The doctor recommended that before he performed any invasive tests on me I should take three months of a fertility drug called Clomid which would help to regulate my cycle and trigger a stronger ovulation.  He recommended that we continue trying on our own, and track my fertile days with a basal body temperature chart, and the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor (which I had already been using.)  If, after three months, we were still not pregnant, then the doctor would perform investigative surgery on me to see if he could find the source of the problem.  

I would say that at this time we were cautiously optimistic.  We wanted to be positive about the opportunity and possibility this new treatment could bring, but we also didn't want to get our hopes up too high, only to have them dashed down again like had happened so many times in the past.  I had to wait almost a month before I could start my new medicine, so by the time I drove up to the pharmacy to pick them up, I was ready to pop those pills immediately- no matter the side effects.  

The first month of pills would be a low dose- only 50mgs- and each month it was supposed to increase until it was 150mgs per month.  There was a part of me that wanted to start at 100 or 150mgs right away, just to increase my chances even further.  Plus, 50mgs just seems like such a small thing.  I looked at the five little pills in my hand and laughed to myself.  Could it be that these five little pills are going to be the thing which helps to build a bridge between us and our future children?

The two weeks that you have to wait before you can find out if you are pregnant is torture.  And I think it's even worse for people who are undergoing fertility treatments or medication because it just feels like there is so much at risk.  I had had so many failed "two week waits" in my life that by this point, I refused to let myself get too excited.  I didn't want to sink into a two day depression if it turned out that I wasn't pregnant.

But I did let myself slip in one area.  My parents had given me an Amazon gift card for my birthday a few weeks before.  I was browsing online, thinking about what I might want to get, when I came across some pregnancy items that I knew that I wanted to purchase should I get pregnant someday.  Without thinking, I filled my Amazon shopping cart with pregnancy books, a pregnancy exercise video, and a set of baby belly bands.  I didn't purchase any of them, but I saved them in my cart, and told myself that I'd decide what to do with them in two weeks.